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Ten hours and counting. Looks like I'm going. Mum and Ki are, apparently, though I don't know *why*... wasn't Ki's friend, and I don't know why *Mum* is involving herself in this. She has no obligation, it's not a frelling social event... why does everyone behave as if it's a social event? That's a sign of the downfall of civilization if ever I saw one...

I don't even know why they'e having a thrice-damned funeral more than a week after, anyway. Sure; give everyone time to calm down and accept it, then have a funeral and make everyone upset again. Great plan.

...and I still have this awful feeling they're going to bury him...

Found an oak, though, and tonight we did bits of that ceremony Mum found. Not the whole thing, at least not to the letter. I adjusted it a bit so it made sense in my head. That's all. Mum got all upset when I said I was going to do it *without* her. I still don't get why she thinks it's any of her business...

I also still have this awful feeling they're going to make me go up and speak, and... don't wanna. I really didn't know him that well - I'll say that. But I don't think anything I say isn't going to sound hollow and stupid or callous. Damn, damn, damn. I hate funerals.

I don't even know where the bloody church *is*. Don't like churches, either.

Augh.

I don't want to go. But at least Nadia admitted she doesn't want to go either - makes me feel a little better, horrible as that sounds.

Damn it all... this is all just so... weird. He was *our* age...

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chandri
Chandri MacLeod
Fantasi.net

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