Chandri MacLeod (chandri) wrote,
Chandri MacLeod

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Indiana Jones is basically action movies for arts geeks. This is a known thing. It's a delightful thing. It's what made this movie silly and fun and awesome as opposed to... well... a movie that took itself even remotely seriously. Which, I should note before I list off the wonderfully terrible things about the movie I enjoyed the most, is totally okay with me.

There were two car-chases. The second was my favourite so we'll ignore the first one and start right on in with the model town and the mushroom cloud. Which Indy survived. How did Indy survive a nuclear blast, you may ask?

Why, he climbed into a refrigerator, of course. A LEAD-LINED fridge (because they made a point of showing us the label, therefore making it Okay.). Which allowed Indy to survive a nuclear blast unharmed not only by radiation, but by the hundreds of broken bones that anybody OTHER than Indiana Jones should have suffered.

But it's cool, guys! He's got his hat! He's GOT. His HAT. (ROFL)

And Mac was a traitor. Then a double agent. Then a triple agent. Then a traitor again. I must admit, that made me sad. It made me less sad than it might have because the fact that Mac ultimately "died" means they have to make another movie.

Yes, probably with Indy Jr. But let's face it, these aren't art films. Magic. Giant rocks. Waterfalls. GIANT. ALIENS. Hee hee hee.

And MONKEYS. Okay, no, we'll get to that in a minute. Guys, I'm not going to give you a synopsis. Just let me further enumerate the things about this movie that made my fucking night.


2. The Very Tall Asgard Interdimensional Beings had an actual, honest-to-god flying saucer. I suppose, 1957, they're contracturally obligated to have a flying saucer. Hee hee hee.

3. The point at which both the roomie and I agree the movie officially jumped the shark (because let's face it, Indiana Jones movies suffer from a far higher shark-jumping threshold than other movies): Henry Jones Jr. takes a trip through the treetops on VINES with MONKEYS to rejoin the military convoy carchase already in progress.

I would pay MONEY to have been in that storyboard pitch session. Because at some point Lucas - I KNOW IT WAS YOU, LUCAS - turned to the room and said: "Hey, I know! Let's get Indy Jr. from Point A to Point B via MONKEYS!" and then some other (doubtless very highly paid) person agreed: "Gee, George, that's a GREAT IDEA!" And then somebody ELSE suggested: "And then we'll have the monkeys attack the bad guys! But - and this is the best part - only the Communists! Because ALL animals can tell communists from peace-loving Americans, right?" And then a possibly fourth person greed: "Well, SURE THEY CAN!"

(At which point I almost fell out of my chair laughing.)

4. An aside: They tried to bring Indy up in front of the Committee. Oh my god, this movie really did have every interesting conspiracy theory in American history. INCLUDING THE ESP EXPERIMENTS. The only way it could have been better is if they'd mentioned all the stuff with the goats.


6. And I'm fairly certain that Communist-discrimiate monkeys are the anthropomorphic equivalent of the secret belief that everyone secretly understands English so long as you speak it Very Loudly and Very Slowly.

7. And then there were some creepy crystal aliens. I don't know. I was still thinking about the monkeys.

In conclusion: aweseome. It may help if you go in expecting ridiculousness. Then again, you've probably seen an Indiana Jones movie before and... know that. ;)

And now I have to go to bed, because I have to go to the office Pro D Day tomorrow. Because... well, I don't really know why. I've been to several of these things and I'm still not entirely sure of the purpose. (So if anybody really wants to kidnap and ransom me back to the college tomorrow before 7:45am, I would be totally okay with that, too. So long as you keep me until 4:15.)

Teambuilding Exercises, guys. HELP ME.
Tags: irl folk, movielore

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