I have to read large chunks of Paradise Lost... for tomorrow. Uck. Traitorous snowstorms... deserting me in my hour of need...
...on the upside, I was on the phone with kimry until six-thirty this morning. It was fun. She squealed for joy about the LoTR soundtrack I sent her for her birthday, and then she petted my ego some. Which is always nice. ;)
And then I woke up, and there was a weekday nagging at me...
I'm one of those people who always needs background music. You know; like on TV or in movies, there's always music playing to suit the moment. It can be anything, as long as the sentiment is right.
That's why I've usually got my MP3 player or a discman or... something. Because I like having background music. Lately it's been stuff like Better Than Ezra's Closer or old-school OLP... introspection stuff. And even when I don't have actual *music* playing, I can pretend that it's there. And then there are times when places you go have music of their own playing. Like grocery stores, or bookshops.
In the university bookstore today, they were playing Closer. I think the first time I heard that song was on an episode of Roswell, and I downloaded it right off because I really liked it. I was hunting through stacks of Celtic Studies texts for a certain copy of Early Irish Myths and Sagas (which, by the by, isn't there anymore and isn't even on order, so I'm missing a text... o.O) when I noticed that it was playing, and I stood up and just listened for a minute. And as I did, a scene from SIG popped into my head (possibly because I listened to it a dozen times when I was writing that part), a certain line of dialogue in particular: "Don't wish for what never was. Sometimes it makes you forget what might still be."
It made me smile. I'm not sure exactly why; but it did. I guess it was a weird smile, and I guess it was because I was standing stock-still staring into space that the bookstore-lady tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if she could help me find anything. She had a funny look on her face. I think she thought I was a little crazy. ;)
I had a whole lot of moments like that today, not all because of music but because of reasons I had to stop and stare into space for indeterminately long moments. I don't know if that's because I was just in a weird mood today, or because I've needed a kick me in the butt so I'll stop slacking off with schoolwork, or because winter just does this to me. But it was... nice. And all sap aside, it was nice to just be able to stop and stare for a while.
Sometimes when you finish a really good chunk of writing, something you're really proud of, you get excited at what you've accomplished. You grin like an idiot (me), or you show it to other people, or you go out and celebrate something no one else understands. You feel like you've keyed into something really big and important and that maybe, if you've done it just right, that other people who read it will stop and grin like an idot too. The description of Writing as an addictive drug have been used and beaten to death repeatedly, but it's still true. This Writing stuff can be a heady draught - intoxicating, even. Sometimes it can throw you off-balance, sometimes it can even give you hangovers (of a different sort, and mostly as a result of fatigue, but still hangovers ;). Sometimes it weighs you down and slows your responses, and makes it hard to think about anything else, or think at all.
But sometimes, if you're really lucky, it makes things seem a little bit clearer, even if you can't explain how. I had a pretty good day, really, even if I accomplished next to nothing. It was... nice.
And tomorrow, damnitall, I'm going to go to *all* my classes. Even my 8:15. Even the ones that cause a dull ache to start up behind my eyes from the sheer dullness of them. Even the language lab. *And* I'm going to do my homework. And those thrice-damned Gaelic journals I was supposed to start three weeks ago.
But for now... I think I might head down to the new Milennium Centre and see if this seemingly-mythical indoor track, swimming pool and weight room has made an appearance yet. I feel the need to do something physical... and I *know* I could use the exercise.