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Ye gods...

Okay; I just have to say something regarding this CBFFA mess. This is just an observation.

We're all a bunch of whiners.

Let's all read on before we flame me. ;)

Writers are, pretty much as a rule (and I include myself emphatically in this) a bunch of whining, bitching, egomaniacs. The egomaniac-ness varies in degree... but still. It's that kind of hobby/profession. It's really difficult to *do* this, to put any effort into it, to give a damn about it *without* putting some or (as is often the case) a lot of yourself into what you write. And for something like fic, where it isn't even something we do to make money, but something we do because we *want* to... well, that tends to make it personal.

And we're all a bunch of bitching, whining, crazy people. There's nothing to do about but admit it. 'Cause we all have the tendency to revert to toddler-hood and start calling names and pulling hair when we're slighted, or when we think we're slighted.

This is why I don't write comic-fic - or at least don't post it - because as long as I'm just writing something I *can* defend as personal, I can justify it to myself. And that way, when huge rows start up, I can at least know where I stand and feel like less than a total idiot.

Damn TV. *kick*

I don't know; I kinda like the idea of the awards. They make us seem a bit more... cohesive, community-wise. I liked it, too, when someone suggested SCFFA's (though I don't know if anything ever came of it). Ah, well.

I don't know that I was actually trying to make a point with this... and if I was, I can't remember what it was. The train of thought seems to have become de-railed, somwehere. Huh. Maybe I shouldn't try to make points when I'm only half-conscious...

What the *hell* is wrong with my cable? >.<

Anyway.

It's my birthday Saturday.

Carolyn wants me to go to the Inn with her to see Mudmen... and I do want to see Mudmen, but... Patti and Paul and others said they were going to have a party for me... unsolicited attention is always good, and every birthday party I've had since my thirteenth has ended up in nasty emotional pseudo-trauma - somebody walking out in a huff, somebody breaking up, somebody throwing a huge, hurt-everyone-else-'cause-I'm-upset tantrum, dragging up nasty past events and throwing it in someone's face just for the hell of it... just at *my* parties. I don't know why.

But I think here, they might pull off a normal party where I don't end up wishing I hadn't had one. You know? I kinda want a party. Haven't for a long time. And this one's sort've important. *I* think so, anyway.

Carolyn, however... I really don't mean for this to sound like self-centred bitching, but I get the impression that Carolyn only wants me to go so that she can see Mudmen... 'cause P&P aren't *quite* nineteen, and Keltie doesn't want to go. And I don't think she was even *coming* to the party if they had one.

Sigh.

It's my birthday, damnit - it's *supposed* to be all about me!

And while going to the inn would be a suitable celebration of my coming to the age where I can now legally *do* that, it doesn't sound like all that much fun if everyone can't go.

Sigh.

She got really pissed at me when I told her I didn't want to go to Halifax. There's a rally on the 6th to protest rising tuition rates in NS - they're the most expensive in the country. I told her I might go - but I really don't want to. Long bus-trips, however free, are *not* fun. And it's cold, and standing outside does not sound like a good way to spend the day - especially considering I'm not even going to *be* in NS for school next year. It's really got little to do with me, beyond the fact that Carolyn wants someone to go with her.

In any case, she's really only going to visit her best friend (who lives in Halifax) - she's not really the protesting *type*. I get the impression that if I *did* go, I'd be cold and miserable all day (I think I'm getting sick...) and then exhausted and hungry when we come back *much* later... 'cause she wanted to come back on the 1:30AM bus. Yuck.

There's also the ominous looming presence of upcoming midterms. For which *some* of us at least *pretend* to study. Argh.

I've already used up my birthday present from my parents when I got my nifty-cool new boots while at home over Xmas, so I don't really expect all that much - but that's all right. Cake. Ice cream cake - the food of the gods. :D

Got a package from Mum today. Tea-cozy. And Post *opened* it! As if a tea-cozy is *threatening*... I don't like having my mail opened. First JB's ring gets damaged by Psycho-Post, and now this. I mean no offense for anyone who may *work* for them... but I'm really beginning to think that someone in Canada Post has a grudge against me... o.O

Four days and counting...

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Chandri MacLeod
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