I just got a piece of paper slipped through my mail slot. It being Sunday, I went to pick it up. It's a note from the building owner.

So apparently, the fire alarm the other night? Was an arson attempt. And they don't have any idea who did it. The note was a warning and a plea to anyone in the building to come running if they see anyone acting fishy or, I suppose, fondling matchbooks or something. And now we've got a cop car circling past the building every half-hour. Which is good, but does nothing to set my mind at ease.

I mean, oh, HURRAH. Now every time I leave the building I'm going to be worrying the whole time about whether I'll come back to find it a heap of smoldering wreckage.

GREAT. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE.