April 13th, 2002


This is your brain. This is your brain after thirty hours of awake.

Me thinking on these sorts of things. (All conversations are paraphrased.)

Okay. Talking to Carolyn again. She says, bad people go to Hell. No matter what. Because that's what happens. Just because. (o.O)
Anyway. I say: "Okay, fine, but what if they don't believe in Hell?"
She says they go anyway.
I say: "Why?"
Her: "Because."
Me: "I don't think you can go somewhere you don't believe exists."
Her: "It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. You'd still go there if you deserved it."
Me: "But you can't get into Heaven if you don't believe in it, right?"
Her: *shrug* "Yeah, I guess..."
Me: *moment of contemplation* "So... the big pretty cloud-land with streets of gold has to be gotten to willingly, but the scary-ass place full of fire, brimstone, and crooked lawyers is mandatory?"
Her: *blank stare*
Me: "You know that doesn't make any sense, right?"
Her: *blinking* "Er."

I shouldn't have conversations when I haven't been to bed in two days. Another such conversation followed my playing The Sperm Song for Carolyn - she'd never heard it before.

Her: "I never thought about why you're not supposed to masturbate."
Me: (I had been eating, and nearly choked, so I had to prevent this first, but then...) "Huh?"
Her: "Every sperm being a potential human and all."
Me: "Wha?"
Her: "You're not supposed to masturbate because it kills potential babies."
Me: *blink, blink, collapse in moment of hysterical laughter* "You're a nutbag, you know that?"
Her: "No, it's like abortion. You're not supposed to because it kills what might have been babies."
Me: "Um, actually, no."
Her: *stare*
Me: "Two halves, you know? And only one usually makes it, anyway."
Her: "It's about the potential!"
Me: "Ye gods. You should have been in the Crusades. You'd have been the world's first kamikaze pilot, but without the plane."
Her: *glare* (She doesn't like the Crusades.)
Me: "If you're going to count individual sperm, now, you might as well say that you shouldn't drink acidic things because you might destroy prime cells that might, "potentially" have been cloned into human beings."
Her: *badly-concealed look of horror* "Ah, but cloning's wrong."
Me: *smirk* "It's the same logic! Exact same!"
Her: "No! Cloning doesn't count!"
Me: "Pshaw. It's exactly the same thing. You know it is."
Her: *vague sputter*

I think at this point we were distracted by X-Files - Keltie and I got through the entire first season from Wednesday night 'til about three yesterday (now) afternoon. Whee. Excpet now we don't have season two, which is my favourite, and she thinks she might die before Space cycles back to the second season. They're on four right now.

But Keltie's beginning to understand proper obsession. It's fun. She's one of us, now... *maniacal laughter*

There's a Babylon 5 movie that I didn't see. A NEW one. That I didn't see. With Rangers. That I didn't see. I feel so cheated. And deprived. Stupid rotten Atlantic cable company. Bah. I miss my digital cable.

But I finally saw the Two Towers preview! A crappy downloaded version, but I saw it! My life is, for the moment, complete.

And now, tomorrow, studying.

Gonna die. Gonna die. Gonna die...

Oh, Lise? If you're reading this, here's something just for you... my dad is trying to back out of picking me up, since he didn't get around to checking the van out until YESTERDAY, and now he says it can't make it. And he doesn't want to spend the cash a plane ticket would cost, and he wants me to BUS HOME. On a BUS.
My dearest, most wonderful cousin in the whole world, if he persists in this little idea of his, would you please hunt him down and explain to him why I cannot, mustn't, and WON'T bus home? Please? Please? I don't want to bus home... no, no, no.. o.O

Erk. Three AM. When did that happen?
  • Current Music
    The X-Files Theme is playing over and over and over in my head...

Restless, unhappy, and strange eating habits.

Because she has no printer, Patti asked me to print out this chart, given to her by the mysterious "doctor" who gave her her "pills". I almost told her exactly what I thought about her chart, and her pills, and her "moods", but didn't. Uncharacteristically calm of me. Really, I only didn't because I think she knows what I think, and recently she's been telling anyone who will listen about "how miserable she is" and how "everyone is against her", namely myself and Paul, who are the only ones not polite enough to keep our mouths shut about what a child she's being.
The chart lists things like "change in eating habits", "change in sleep patterns", "unusually high levels of stress", "feelings of worthlessness" as signs of depression.
Well, big fucking deal. We're in freshman year at university. That happens to *everyone*. It's *supposed* to. It's EXAM WEEK. Life sucks for *everyone* right now. I wish *I* could drive home every time *I* was having a shitty week.
I mean, how much more vague can you get? It's like a phone psychic speel.

"You have recently experienced an upheaval in your life. You worry about your significant other. You have feet."
"WOW! You're RIGHT! You really ARE psychic!"

I miss home. I miss Brad and Nadia and Disa and Kimry. And everyone else whose name I cannot, at the moment, due to some fatigue, remember. I miss not having to have a reason to have a conversation. I miss not having a conversation defined as a conversation. I miss people who don't think two am is late. Sleep patterns are not Of The Strong.
Gaelic Oral is on Monday, English is on Tuesday. Gonna die.
And my paid account expires tomorrow. Sigh again. I wonder if it will just delete all my pictures except the default. Is that what it does? I'm not really sure.
(I wonder if Nadia ever used that code... I should call her. Hmm.)
Not feeling like doing any work. Want to waste it effectively. Want X-Files second season at my disposal, especially the One Breath arc. Right now. Fell off the wagon after watching the first season again and now I'm sort of craving it. Or something that I know well. B5 would do, too. Really well, actually.
Damn, I could really go for a B5 marathon right now.
Realized this morning that I didn't go to the post office yesterday. And assuming Kimry sent the package, it'd have been there by yesterday. But now it's Saturday so I have to wait 'til Monday. Gah.
I should probably be studying. But I'm not.
I started re-writing The Peacemaker a couple of days ago. (That, in case anyone is actually wondering, is the "book" I wrote over the course of eight/ninth grade. It was 87 pages long, and I was thirteen - the latter is disturbingly obvious. So I'm re-writing it.) And at least one scene is passable. I like. Though I'm getting into the unfortunate habit of writing all dramatic scenes to "to the tune of" something. The last couple big ones in C vs. E were written to things, though since on the website I can tell people that, it doesn't matter. Love the internet. Allows anyone to get the whole experience. *sigh* No feedback on C vs. E, yet, though. And speaking of C vs. E, I think I'll go try and write some now.
  • Current Mood
    bored bored