July 7th, 2001


(no subject)

Ten hours and counting. Looks like I'm going. Mum and Ki are, apparently, though I don't know *why*... wasn't Ki's friend, and I don't know why *Mum* is involving herself in this. She has no obligation, it's not a frelling social event... why does everyone behave as if it's a social event? That's a sign of the downfall of civilization if ever I saw one...

I don't even know why they'e having a thrice-damned funeral more than a week after, anyway. Sure; give everyone time to calm down and accept it, then have a funeral and make everyone upset again. Great plan.

...and I still have this awful feeling they're going to bury him...

Found an oak, though, and tonight we did bits of that ceremony Mum found. Not the whole thing, at least not to the letter. I adjusted it a bit so it made sense in my head. That's all. Mum got all upset when I said I was going to do it *without* her. I still don't get why she thinks it's any of her business...

I also still have this awful feeling they're going to make me go up and speak, and... don't wanna. I really didn't know him that well - I'll say that. But I don't think anything I say isn't going to sound hollow and stupid or callous. Damn, damn, damn. I hate funerals.

I don't even know where the bloody church *is*. Don't like churches, either.


I don't want to go. But at least Nadia admitted she doesn't want to go either - makes me feel a little better, horrible as that sounds.

Damn it all... this is all just so... weird. He was *our* age...
  • Current Music
    (Artist?) - Alone in the Universe

(no subject)

I really do know that funerals are for the living. But going completely opposite to the wishes of the deceased seems... indecent, somehow. They gave him an Anglican funeral. *I* was uncomfortable, with this sense that everyone was glaring disapprovingly at me... they usually are... and I have this sense that Keith was quirking his eyebrow at everyone in there. I had to sit on the floor - that many people came.

I hate funerals. And it gets worse every time. They did Bible readings... yeah. Felt outta place. Especially since it all just felt so *wrong*...

I don't know why they waited so long. Why would you give everyone time to greive and accept it and then rip off the band-aid like this? It just makes everyone who isn't stubborn enough to understand their own beliefs enough to feel at peace with it feel miserable again. And everyone was. Nadia's reverted to her state of last week... silent and weepy and bitter. Everyone's just like they were and now we have to go through all this crap again. I feel almost bad that I'm so at peace with it - but they've never seen where he is now... :)

In the hopes of avoiding such unpleasantness in the future... my funeral is to be a large, drunken, party. With ivy and brightly-coloured flowers - and *no*, I repeat NO dead, cut, or otherwise separated flowers. Potted/living only.

And no one is to dress all formally in black. This is expressly forbidden. This will be a casual affair. Everyone is required to wear at least one item of purple. And there will be no sombre Bible-readings, but rather a Karaoke machine, and everyone has to sing. There will be no Country, no Rap, no Hip Hop and no Teeny-Bop Pop music.

There will be dancing. This is mandatory. There will be both Jazz music and Scottish pipes.

This is how it *will* be. So there. :P


(Keith, I'll say this now - I hated your bloody funeral. I almost didn't go; kinda wish I hadn't. But I went anyway. And although everyone else reacted rather predictably - getting even *sadder* than they were before, which I think is rather defeating of the purpose - I spent most of the thing smirking. Especially when they started playing Rankin Family and talking about the PUTS.

I could have lived without all the praying. Your soul doesn't need prayer - you're somewhere doing all the good you couldn't do before because of the limitations of the mundane world. I know better. At least I think I do. That's all that matters. )

Good luck, dude. See you eventually.
  • Current Music
    Semisonic - Closing Time

Bad Poetry...

Okay; this is *really* bad, but bear with me. I was blackmailed.

For Keith.

For a soul of nobility,
I would not utter words
of honey
that have no meaning
after convention.

And for a soul of kindness --
I will not flatter.
A man of honour
does not heed or need flattery --
There are shallow truths
and deeper ones,
and swimming deeper waters
was always
more fulfilling.
For us both.

Human beings do wrong,
but your list was brief,
and I cannot quote.
I can only say
what I knew,
what I saw.
Ambition and gentility
beyond your limbs
and state;
A heart of alloyed gold
plated in steel.
Stubbornness to equal that of a toddler,
but even temper of an elder,
and always willing to temper.

I will not be shallow,
but honest I will do:
You were honest.
I cannot speak for your devotion
as I never saw it,
only felt it, fleetingly,
and it burned
Like boiling water.

There were not many days
for this.
Less than I like.

There were wishes for a world
where nobility still matters
and courage is a rarity,
These we shared.

I will not flatter.
I would not be flattered, myself.
But of all the tattered angels,
I ever knew,
you were the only one who ever
kissed me on the head.
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    Collective Soul - Turn Around